You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
