You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
