We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
