How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
