I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
