This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
