I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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