if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
