went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
