Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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