I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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