Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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