Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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