Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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