Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
