I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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