There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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