I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
