there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
