You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
