New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize