Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
