last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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