Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize