Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize