The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
