i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
