nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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