Can Purell be used as lube?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
