waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
