his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize