She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
