planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
