Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
