i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
