i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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