Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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