can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
