PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
