I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
