I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My hand turned me down
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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