just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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