smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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