so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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