the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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