i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
