i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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