he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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