I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
