it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
