ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
