Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
