i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
