We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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