I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No subtext here. People are naked.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
