Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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