no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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