My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
