Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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