1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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