Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
