I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
