tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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