I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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