Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
