I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
