I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
