Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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