i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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