Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
