Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
