i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
