Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
