Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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