Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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