My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
