So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
