Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize