I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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