Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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